I do a lot of online shopping. Like, a lot a lot. I love to look, the thrill is found in the hunt, fulfilling the mission of finding that just right, so perfect, exactly what I was looking for hunt. It might be a microwave oven, drawer organizers for a client or friend (I do some professional organizing), or a bridesmaids dress in a very specific color of green that will compliment and flatter both complexion and body type and please the bride.
I am so good at shopping and gift-giving, it is kind of a past time for me, a service that I sometimes get paid for, but often provide to the people in my life just because I enjoy it. I get enormous pleasure fulfilling the needs of others, so much so I feel a bit guilty about enjoying it so deeply. It seems selfish.
Now I find myself shopping for the must unexpected item; scrolling through page after page of men. Men! Like I am looking for a pair of shoes. Scroll, contemplate, pass/save, scroll, contemplate, pass/save. This is just surreal to me, but this is what middle-aged single people do these days, right? Right? It feels weird, a bit scary, and completely insane to shop for a man. On the internet. Uugghh!
And these profiles I see, the “selections”, are CRAZY. Men holding fish, men holding guns, men holding fish and guns, men with pictures of their children, men with pictures of other women, men with boats, cars, bikes, planes, men flexing muscles, men with unbuttoned shirts, gold chains, and chest hair like some gross porn star from the 80’s, men with no shirts at all.
So how do I chose? How do I chose a man? And how do I chose a man that maybe just might chose me back?
Seems like a gamble. Seems crazy. Seems like it might not be such a good idea. What do you think? Am I living in fear or is a bit of apprehension a good thing?